You Don't Need Beauty Products

I have a colleague who wears a lot of make-up, gets her nails done and generally invests a lot of money, time, and effort into her image.  I have a sister like that too.  If I were to do that, I would be tired, broke, uncomfortable, and I still wouldn’t measure up.  I don’t know how these women do it.  I have even heard of parents who manage this, are they manipulating time and reality as we know it?

I used to try.  I got my nails done until they felt so thin that it was painful to get them done.  It was expensive and the products are hazardous (a lot of those nail salon workers wear masks to reduce chemical and particle inhalation).  I put make-up on my face – poorly, I may add - which was, again, expensive and toxic.  I bought clothing to suit various parts of my personality; some of which I never even wore, some of it I wore despite how uncomfortable it was, and a lot of it was probably made in unsavoury ways.  I am not that person anymore, and I guess I never really was, to begin with.  I like sleeping in, I want to spend my money on other things, and I don’t want to be thinking about how I look all the time and comparing products hoping the next thing will make me feel better about myself. 

Sometimes I get in conversations about self-image and vanity with people who do make that type of investment in themselves and I think they believe I am judging them as if I think I am better than them or something.  But I don’t.  I just hope that these people know they don’t need those things to be beautiful. I hope those people know they don’t have to buy products or take part in practices that don’t actually make them feel good.

It makes me angry because I believe our society sends us all such skewed messages that it is hard for us to decide for ourselves what does make us feel good.  We are raised with certain expectations that don’t take our whole selves – our entire well-being – into account.  There are costs to our beauty rituals that get swept under the rug (high heels will deform your feet after a lifetime of wear, cosmetics can contain carcinogens, heavy metals, and all sorts of other nasty things, the fashion industry is notorious for poor working conditions and environmental pollution).  And I really question how much these products benefit the individuals that use them.  The beauty industry tends to sell us self-confidence by telling us their products will make us feel better than we currently do, playing on and amplifying our insecurities.  It is one more industry creating needs to fill them.  Remember the Dove soap campaign that celebrated all body shapes and skin tones that aired at the same time Axe body spray had those commercials where a spritz of body spray would pull classically beautiful women to an average-joe-esque young man like a magnet, with heavier doses of spray for a stronger magnetic effect?  Those brands are both owned by Unilever.  We are nothing more than consumers, just another dollar, to these folks.  As a whole, the beauty industry doesn’t often seem to care if the products they produce really (truly, deeply) make us feel good, or if they are even really safe for us. They just want our money. 

I wish our society cared a little less about appearance and a little more about wellness. 

Make sure you get enough sleep, eat well, exercise.  Challenge yourself.  Have a sense of companionship in your life.  Find time for pure enjoyment every once in a while.  Those things have a tangible positive effect on a person’s life and their self-image.

Sometimes people think it must be easy for me to care less about how I look because I am in a committed relationship, and I suppose it does, I would imagine having someone who knows you intimately and accepts and loves you probably has benefits in many realms, but it doesn’t mean I am free from or immune to superficial scrutiny.  My plain presentation has had negative impacts in the workplace and on my social life, and that sucks.  But I feel pretty good about who I am and the thought process behind my decisions.  I believe I would present myself to the world in much the same way even if I were single.  The people who have made me feel self-conscious can just go fuck themselves.  And I hope that everyone can have that sense too.  Maybe you are angrily taping your fancy nails on your desk thinking that about me right now, and good for you.  You strong, fierce, beautiful creature, you. 

People are judgmental doinks, no matter your appearance.

I hope that you know you don’t have to take part in any aspect of a beauty regime if you don’t want to and that you shouldn’t feel like any less of a person for it.  Just do what feels good and assess what that is and why regularly.  Strive to be your version of your best self, not someone else’s version.

I know my sister and my colleague feel bad about themselves most days when they aren’t wearing make-up.  I wish they could see through my eyes and know that they are beautiful and loveable.

I hope you know that someone is thinking about how wonderful you are, even on your bad days.